are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
