Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
