I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just googled if crying burns calories
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
