you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
