You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
