I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
