This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
