my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
