walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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