32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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