I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
