Moan for me like Helen Keller
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
