Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
