I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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