I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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