Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
