My first STD was from a foam party
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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