I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
