I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
