Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She bit a glass in half.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
