Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
