remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
