Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
