why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
