Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You're breaking my sexual little heart
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
