She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
