She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
