That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
