there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
