Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
