Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
