Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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