all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
