someone threw a dead crab at me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
