Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
