Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
