Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
