oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
