It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
