thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
A bitchslap is in order.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
