A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
