and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize