I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
