did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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