ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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