I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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