my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
