they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
