Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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