now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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