Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
