Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
