You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
