Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
