If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
im on a boat
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