I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
3pm strippers are depressing
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
