So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
