Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
