Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
