before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
